was well wierd. It was like wtf i mean one min im fine next i loose the erson im meant to walk back with and i dont walk back on my own i hate it i get well scared!

I ended up seeing one of the bouncers from satans (the place i go) n he gave me a lift back n some other really random girls i met jus the second before ahaha. But it was well wierd i cant even explain it. I am so hungover! I need to stop drinking so much i need to stop all together. My boyfriend seems to think i drink way too much. I just find it easier to cope with me and its easier to be happy marnie and put a smile on my face. My friend found out that im not always ass happy as i say i am. Which was scary coz i just wanted evrything to be normal with me fr once but then she found out and now she keeps seeing if im ok well not so much anymore now she has a new boyfriend i dont get to see her as much now. I am actually really happy these days though coz im with mike hes just great! I still get upset sometimes but thats just life and everyone gets like that.

xx

Omg i am so extremly happy at the moment!! I got back in contact with an old friends from primary school who i lost contact with when i went high school and then his older sis went to the school and we became really goo mate and then i saw him again. I was happy then and then we lost contact again. And then he added me on myspace and now were together.

He makes me soooooo happy and i just cant explain how i feel hes awsome hes soooooooo nice! H es sweet and funny and kind and thinks of me beofre himself.

xx

i keep just being horrible too my parents and its not fair on them and me coz i hate being this horrid bitch that doesnt know when her mood is going to dramaticly change!!!

its really not a nice feeling and now im sat in my room being pissed off with the world when it should be me im pissed off with and i know what your prob thinking oh god this girl is just sooooooo annoying who only ever thinks she has a bad life when there are people out there who have it way worse then her but atm i feel like complete shit!!!

i have tried getting helo for being angry all the time but it just doesnt work!!!

and now my family have to suffer and i dont want to move out because im just not ready!!!!

im just going to sit here and think for a bit now

im fed up with being at home all the time its just soooo boring and endless and i need money!!! i hate being broke well at least not having enough too go out for drinks with my mates when ever i want.

on the plus side to life there is a job going at rileys in chorlton which is a bar thats like 20 mins away on the bus so thats pretty cool and alot of my mates live near there as well so ill be going there tomorrow and seeing if i can get an interview yay

anyways i better be off

speak to you all soon

xx

well i havent stopped drinking since like friday lol

just having a good laugh with friends and all that im just abit fed up of being someone else there are only a couple of people that i can be myself around and even then i have to be slightly not me and i know many people on here have been in the same situation as me so any help would be welcome

thanks

xx

well im happy that i get to see my mate who came over n all that but i just hate the fact that no one can trust me around my sister coz i get to aggresive and might flip out and hurt her

its really upsetting and they all just think i just do it and i can help it but i cant i really cant i just get agnry all the time without thinking and just flip out for the smallest of reasons its horrible!!! i dont think my mum wants me here any more coz its getting worse n shes fearing for my sisters safety n im upset about that as well! its proper not nice at all i fear all the time when i go out i might just flip at my mates i think i might just lock myself in a room. that way i cant hurt anyone apart from myself!

i have no one to talk to either coz everyone will just roll there eyes n be all whatever but its hard being me and all this hoopla which i know no one is going to read but it makes me feel better if i can put it all down onto a screen.

anyway got to go and think somewhere about what to do but i cant properly because my mate is here and i dont want to think im being rude or anything
xx

im like dieing from a cold!!! ask how i dont know?? lol

i keep coughing and sneezing and i really want to go out with my mates tonight but i really cant!!!

just thought id come and rant lol

in better news though my interview for the bbc apprentaship course i want to do went really really well the women really liked me and everything and said i had a strong chance but she doesnt get to pick ho goes through to the course so we will have to keep our fingers crossed wont we?? well just thought id give you my update.

xx

i av a fukin cold n full of tierdness n 2 top it all off i have an important interview 2moz at 10 in the god damn morning so i went town 2day 2 get sum interview clothes its for an apprentaship with the bbc for media production which would be really cool as i would love to be on tv so this will help me find out what goes on behind the scenes and all that am i also hopefully going to move down south within the nex year or 2 and when i do i am going to be enrolling in one of the top acting schools which my auntie knows the directer man so i will have a leg up for that but i want to get abit more experience in working on stage and stuff i do have lots all ready i have bin on stage a few times since i was little but the more the better which will help me inmprove on my skils and help me add more to my cv which would be pretty cool. so at the moment i am looking for a good drama agent which is hard to find these days lol

anyone want to help that knows of any that are near manchester will help loads just message me

thanks

xx

i fukin hate racist ppl!!!!

i went out last nyt n a bunch of them were out n was proper proud of it n all dat i wanted 2 twat them so badly spec wen i found out that they got ma mate kicked out of the club coz they were takin coke n then he was stood there with them coz he was in the bath room i was going sick!!!!! i ended up gettin him back in after for ever lol

oh well thereare always gonna b ppl out there lyk that jus wish there werent tbh its not very nyc at all!!

i jus wanna get out of this mad place manc n move closer to ma family and just av a different life for once i can be a hole new person and no one knows anything about me and then all ma past will be rele far behind me lol

i am feeling much better these days and i think its the fact that i spent a week down south visiting family and meeting new family which was really cool and i cant wait til i see them all again they are really funny and jus as crazy as me lol

so thats really all i wanted to say

xxx